Doctor Grey went mad, sent Miss Frost mad. Ali's in the medlabs, and we have seven new x-men.
Jubes is one of them. It's been something I'd been arguing with Scott about for months, and now... well, yeah.
I watch her in training, more than I should. She's so alive, so vibrant, so beautiful. And I can't stop from wondering why I am doing this, why I can't just let her go, properly, like I should. I'm happy with John, I am, and I shouldn't begrudge her her happiness, but then I see her with Angelo, or even hear about her talking about Remy, and then all I want to do is keep her for myself. Which is horrible and selfish of me, because Jubes should not be hidden away from the world. She's too wonderful, too brillant for that.
I had my chance with her, and I blew it. And now... now it's just strange and confusing, because I'm with John, and it feels right, but at the same time, it doesn't. Because I love him, I think I always did, but... I'm not gay, at least I don't think I am, but there's something about him, something that just makes me forget about that, and then all I want his him.
And then... I talked to Rogue, for the first time since the break-up. nNd I kept being reminded of why we had been together, why I had loved her. And it confused me even more.
Maybe I should just drop off the face of the earth. Maybe I should become a eunuch. Maybe that would be easier than the mess my head is in.
I want to just figure this out, who I love, who I want to be, what I want to do, without all this ridiculous wavering.
That would be nice.